We are the sum total of all of the thoughts that we have had to this point in our lives. This is a true statement which many people don’t use to their advantage. When you really think about it, thoughts turn into things. I “think” I feel thirsty, next thing I know, I have a glass of water in my hand. I’ve heard it said that thoughts become feelings, and feelings become behaviors. So what we do (our actions) are determined by how we think and how we feel about any particular situation. Pretty heady, huh? But if you can understand how you can use this to steer your life to success, joy and accomplishment, you hold a secret that fully 95% of the people never use…
The problem is that all most all of our thoughts were at one point someone else’s. We are programmed from birth by the thoughts of our parents, siblings, teachers, classmates, friends, bosses, co-workers, etc. We pick up the thinking patterns of those around us. Through repetition, they become our own. Psychologists say that by the time a child is four to five years old, much of the programming has been done. The problem is that most people have very limiting, negative thoughts about themselves which hold them back. Through no fault of our own, we have adopted the negative thoughts and paradigms of those closest to us. Therefore:
“We become the average of the five people we spend the most time with in life.”
Romans 12:2 says: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” God wants us to change our thinking from the way the world typically thinks. Do we replace it with “positive thinking?” Yes, but that’s not the whole answer. I do believe that if you expect the best you will get it. But that is only half the solution. If we want real, permanent change, we must go one step further. We must reprogram with new thoughts…
I was reading a book by Shad Helmstetter recently. He used a story which I’d like to paraphrase for you.
I want you to imagine that you live in a nice, little home. It’s your first. Let’s say that over time you have filled it up with hand-me-downs from your family, friends, or from people trying to help you out. This was like my first home – old pictures on the wall, a somewhat sagging sofa, bath towels out of the back of my mom’s closet, our old family kitchen table and some used bedroom and living room furniture. You get the picture. Well, let’s pretend that you decide to get rid of this furniture. You’re just not satisfied with how your home looks and feels. So I come over and we start taking the furniture out. We store it in your garage. Let’s say that it takes us a couple of hours to do this. So it’s 6:00, we’re done, and I leave. So you look around your clean but empty home and say “It is good.” You like how it’s not cluttered anymore. You’re happy that you got rid of all that old stuff. You’re ready to start anew.
But after standing around for a couple of hours, you decide to go out to the garage and get one of your chairs so that you can sit down. Then you go out and get the old table, then a dish and cup. Next it’s the old TV because your getting bored… And on and on. You get the picture. Before you know it, you’ve refilled your home with all of your old things.
It’s the same with our minds. We want to get rid of the old thoughts which drag us down. But what are most comfortable with? Those old thoughts that we’ve lived with for so long. So we try through positive thinking to replace them but in the end the old thoughts just pop right back in. So how do we fix this? How do we replace the old with the new?
Several thoughts for you…
First, I begin each day before my eyes have even opened with this thought: “It’s going to be an extraordinary day.” I literally think and feel this thought. I imagine myself having a wonderful, exciting, vibrant day and having a positive impact on the people with whom I come in contact.
Next I take about 10 minutes or so to read the Bible. I let His thoughts fill my mind. I try to understand what God is saying to me through his Word and how it can be applied to my life.
And finally, I have taken the time to write out several dozen affirmations which I read aloud to myself or which I listen to from a small little tape recorder I have them stored on. I mentally picture these things as being true about me. Whether they are or aren’t at the present time makes no difference. They will become true over time as I think and believe them. This takes about five minutes or so depending on how many I have on the list. They usually relate to the current goals I’m working on or to areas of my life which I’ve determined that I want to alter. The list changes over time as does the focus of my life.
But I have the list. And I use it…
I’ve found that this intentional re-programming is just like going out and buying new furniture for my home. It excites me. But we have to be intentional in what we replace and refill with. We have to choose what goes back in to replace the old. If not, We're just stuck with nothing but old furniture, and who wants that?
Mind Numbness
A couple of days ago I was on a flight from Atlanta to Austin, TX. Every once in a while I am upgraded to first class. Funny how I never seem to complain when this happens. Well, on this day I sat next to a young lady who was a flight attendant. She told me that she regularly works on flights to Europe because she speaks one of the languages there. We talked about what it is like to work on these longer flights. She said the flights over were usually about eight hours and that the returning flights took about nine because of headwinds.
At a certain point I asked her what the hardest part of her job was. She told me that many times it was the passengers who had big “egos” and who sometimes showed up with a chip on their shoulder. She described to me in detail what had happened on the flight she had just completed. One thing that most flight attendants fear is “the letter.” When someone gets mad and writes a letter, bad things happen. Well, she explained to me the circumstances of that day’s experience. A man had threatened that he was going to send a letter to her airline concerning the actions of the whole crew. He had felt slighted and that they had not greeted them correctly. I could see that she really hadn’t done anything wrong, but also knew that she was worrying about something that she really had no control over at that point. The customer was just mad at the world. We talked about different ways to look at these types of situations. How to focus on what she has influence on and how to try to keep her mind off of what she had no control over.
After talking for another hour or so, she said to me, “I want to change one of my answers to you. I think that the hardest part of my job is the mind numbness that I experience.” She told me that she has been doing the same thing for years and that there just wasn’t any passion there anymore. She said that sometimes she just felt “numb.”
Several years ago, I felt the same way. I had been in corporate America for about 24 years. As I look back, I was truly becoming burnt out. It was becoming a challenge just to get out of bed in the mornings. The constant pressure to perform in something that I had really lost interest in was wearing me down. I made a decision in 2002 to walk away from this. A friend of mine asked me this question – “If you could be anything in the world, what would you be?” Out of my mouth came this answer – “I’d be some sort of a motivational speaker and I would help people improve their lives.” I have no idea where that came from. He asked me why I wasn’t doing that and I really had no good ideas to give him. I could hide behind reasons like the need for a paycheck, or not knowing how to do it, but these were really just excuses. Well, to make a long story short, six months later I was standing in front of a ballroom full of people in Burlington, VT, teaching them how to be better managers and communicators. Scared to death! I had no idea what I was doing but found that during that six hour training I was pretty good at it. I’ve never looked back. Now I have nearly done 700 keynotes and seminars as a speaker and everyday is truly a holiday for me. But I had to make a decision.
We all have a “comfort zone.” Picture it being about five feet in circumference. Most people spend their lives standing right in the middle of their little comfort zone, looking out and thinking that they could never do those “things” outside of their zone. I learned several years ago that life becomes fun and interesting when we trust our abilities and learn to live with one foot in the comfort zone, and one foot out. And guess what? As you live your life this way, your comfort zone begins to grow. My new friend on the plane had some serious thinking to do. She could either make some tough decisions concerning her life and try some new things thereby opening the door to her own greatness and joy, or live her life in her current state of mind numbness.
So my advice for you is this – throughout your lives, learn to get out of your comfort zone on a regular basis. Try different things. Learn to ASK. This is one of the keys. Asking opens the doors to exciting adventures.
I have said for years that there are many “walking dead” among us. They go about the motions of each day with no passion for life – too afraid to try new things. I meet them daily. The joy has been sucked out of their lives by the constant ho-hum of their lives. Consciously thinking of things that you can do that are different each day will keep your life interesting and is a great anecdote for mind numbness. I don’t think God created us to live like that. He created us for greatness!
The Twinkle
Recently, I was saddened to hear of the passing of a famous journalist, Tim Russert. Tim was 58 years old and died of a heart attack while working at the NBC studios. For over 20 years, Tim had been one of the most respected journalists in America. Over the next several days, I watched shows that memorialized his life, and learned a great deal more about the man than I had known from watching him over the years…
I’d always noticed while watching Tim that he had a certain “twinkle” in his eyes when looking into the camera. You could tell that he had great passion for what he did and that although he took his job seriously, he took himself with a grain of salt. One of the journalists who was interviewed about Tim gave a quote which Eleanor Roosevelt had said of her husband, President Franklin Roosevelt, and also of Winston Churchill. “The best men still have a lot of the little boy left in them.” Tim Russert was one of these men.
Tim grew up in Southern Buffalo, New York, the son of a working man known as “Big Russ.” His father had risen through several jobs with the Buffalo Sanitation Department. Big Russ had modeled what it was to be a man to his son and three daughters. Though usually quiet and stern, he had stoked the fires of self-discipline and patriotism in his son through his actions. Tim grew up believing that if he worked hard, he would succeed. And succeed he did.
He graduated from John Carroll University and then went on and got his law degree from Cleveland-Marshall College of Law. From there he worked as Chief of Staff for N.Y. Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan, and then became Counselor and Chief Spokesperson for N.Y. Governor Mario Cuomo. He became Washington Bureau Chief of NBC News in 1988 and then became host of NBC’s Meet the Press in 1991 which he continued hosting until his death. Obviously, he was a very talented, intelligent man. He was known as a tough, extremely competent leader who did his job exceedingly well. Tim Russert worked long, hard hours often going with little or no sleep. As a journalist, he was known as a man who was thoroughly prepared. He had nearly perfected the art of asking the tough question to some of the world’s most influential leaders. Tim Russert was competent. He honed the talents that God had given him.
But as busy as he was, Tim will be most remembered as being a great dad to his son Luke, a great son to his father, Big Russ, and a great friend to the people to who he came in contact. I heard story after story about how he took the time to write congratulatory notes to friends or how he took the time to encourage and mentor his employees. He never lost sight of where he came from. I believe that he was shocked that he went where he did in life, from such humble beginnings.
In Tim, I think we saw a man who understood the real meaning of Romans 12:16 which says: “Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.” That is a very rare quality these days, especially from the levels to which Tim ascended. I think he was able to do that because although he took his vocation, his roles as father, son, friend, and mentor seriously, he never took life and himself too seriously.
I think that this is one of the keys to living a wonderful life. He lived with a twinkle in his eye. I hope you do too…
